I Write because He Listens

Dear God,

I know you know everything, but I am writing to you because it's the only way I can speak right now and I know that you are listening.

I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, ADHD and generalized anxieties. Thankfully I am on medications and go to therapy, but the struggle is still there. Although I am a bit more stable, I still have tough days. I have days where my indifference towards life, work, and people is my constant companion. Where I can't think of anything else but being in my own company and more often than not welcoming food and frustration. When this happens, I know I turn away from You and succumb to my feelings, my dread, my lethargy. Although you know consistency is hard for me, it hurts me to be inconsistent with You. Why? Because I know that You have been there for me always, and I have not. When I am frustrated, I succumb to food, to instagram, to social distractions, and so on… God help me. I try to find solace in your word, yet I have trouble remembering it. I try to find encouragement in other people, yet I don't know if anyone truly understands what it is like to have the mental struggles that I have.

Nonetheless, God, help me to respect and be compassionate towards the mind you have given me, while not being overwhelmed by it. More than anything, help me to to discern your Spirit in the midst of mental angst. I write because I've been struggling to hear you, to think of you, and to know that you are there. And even though I forget you often, in writing I feel one step closer to you. Help me to love you with my entire being. Help me to know that you are listening as these words fall on this page.

Cristy